Category Archives: Game Reports

Slappers Stop Skid

Paul Goldschmidt
Goldschmidt Doubles Off The Wall In The 3rd

The Slappers opened up the flood gates Saturday evening with a dominant win against the Senators.  The Slappers had lost 7 in a row, the 3rd worst span of games for Mgr. Utley, before raking in 14 hits and 8 runs to defeat the Senators 8-2.  Goldschmidt and Ruggiano both had 3 hits and Gio Gonzalez notched his 4th win, going 7 winnings, allowing 2 ER and K’ing 9.

The Slappers are 5.5 games out with 24 to play.

Adrian Gonzalez Drinks My Milkshake

"Try this on for size, chump"

Adrian Gonzalez is seriously owning me this season. He alone is solely responsible for 3 of my losses this season. In 4 games against the Hairys, A-Gonz is hitting .500 (7/14) with 6 runs scored, 4 bombs and THIRTEEN RBI’s. Thirteen RBI’s in 4 games?!?!? That’s rude, plain and simple. Rest assured, if there was a “bean batter” option, it would have been used with abandon on this clown by now.

Knights Regain Momentum

Game 1 was a total hitathon by the Knights, cranking out 15 hits and 12 runs to annihilate the Foxes 12-3. Bedard got the start for the Knights and struck out 9 in 4.2.

In game 2, Arod, Fielder, Teixeira, and Dunn go 0-14, but it doesn’t matter baby! cause we’re a complete team. The Knights steal 4 bases, including a rare steal of home by Pedroia (Utley’s 3rd career as manager). Hughes K’d 7 in 6 innings and Adams and Burnett close it out.

All told, the Knights outscored the Foxes 20-5, and the recent sweep by the Hairys is now a distant memory. It basically probably didn’t happen.


Hairys Back in the Swing of Things With Sweep of Knights

First of all, did you see what I did there? In the title? You see, I took the word “swing”, which has an obvious baseball connotation, but then I used it in another common phrase where it has a totally different meaning!! Full on double meaning!! WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN??!?!?

It means the Hairys are back and ready to stop losing tons of games. Thankfully their starting pitchers were up to the task against the Knights who had started the Gary season off on a sour note with an opening series sweep like 11 months ago. Not really that long. Felt like it, though. Anyway, Y. Gallardo and The Chronic combined to throw 13.1 innings of shut-out baseball allowing 7 hits while striking out 13. That will get the job done. The offense came courtesy of Aaron Hill and Kung Fu Panda in Game 1 where they combined to go 6 of 7 with a bomb and 3 RBI’s and then pretty much everyone got in on the act in Game 2 that ended up a 12-0 beat-down for the Hairys. Braun and Miggy C each had 3 hits with Cabrera collecting 5 RBI’s on the night. Darren Oliver got his head kicked in early and Kuo allowed 5 hits and 4 runs in 2/3 of an inning. Not what Brian was hoping for. The pbp bot said one of my guys “hit the CRUD out of the ball.” That pretty much made my night. It was great to play again. Brian Utley is my hero.

I need a jump

Guys. Comrades. Fellow managers.

I propose that we do something here.

I would like to throw out the idea of talking with one another, sharing stories on a website, and playing pretend baseball games.

Just for fun.

I say we hit it hard, and relentlessly, and with joy; playing with the zeal of a young schoolboy at the playground.  Like Micah Johnston at Knowlton Elementary in 1984.

I think it would be a blast to play a few times a week – either computer games or human. It mattereth not. I long to yearn for that next game. For the cumulative stats. For weird play-by-play. For a one-game playoff to see who gets the wild-card. For the periodic game where you just can’t help buy pound out 18 hits.

I wonder if somehow we can recapture the magic that once was in this pround league.

If you’re in, please text “Ted is the best in history” to 435-232-4160.

If you’re out, and think PTP is lame, please text “Hasta La Vista, PELOTA” to 435-881-3322.

You guys are great. I miss the camaraderie. I totally and completely understand if life is too busy right now, and if we need to just pull the plug for a while.