Draft Preparations in Full Swing

With the ground-breaking, earth-shaking, colon-pummeling 2013 Davis League PTP Draft less than 2 weeks away, preparations are being made at a frantic pace at Hairy Headquarters, site of the aforementioned draft. This draft will not only mark the first appearances of Managers Crow and Traveller, but rumors continue to swirl that Comissioner Utley will unveil his SICK new computer-enhanced draft screen for the event. We can only hope. Host-Manger Ockey is giddy with the notion that all seven managers will be making their picks live and direct in his living room/war room. He has also received verbal confirmation from several other parties whose presence will make the draft a successful one. Confirmed so far are Swedish fish, Guarana, Pepperoni and delicious homemade cookies. Ockey is still waiting for a commitment of appearance from Otter Pops and Doritos, but negotiations are progressing smoothly and he hopes to have them signed within the next couple of days. Pseudo-snack Bugles made a renegade attempt at gaining entrance, but were denied as Ockey reminded them that they are disgusting and kicked them to the curb. Also, with the satisfaction of personally writing your picks on the draft board gone in favor of seeing them appear as if by magic right before your eyes on the big screen, Ockey is rigging a makeshift podium with a microphone from which managers will be able to announce their picks. This, he believes, will maintain the thrill that comes with broadcasting your pick to fellow managers and will also increase the geek factor of the draft exponentially. And if that weren’t enough, prior to making their first round selection, each team will be serenaded with their own personal theme song as they make their way to the podium (much the same way as when a closer enters the game, this song will get everyone so pumped that they will want to kick their mom right in the face). Oh my gosh – I totally just crapped my pants just THINKING about how awesome this is going to be. Hairy equipment manager Travis promises that if no one else craps their pants with excitement, he will show EVERYONE how it’s done on draft night. May 31st 7pm – BE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2013 Draft Order

Draft Day – May 31st – 7:00PM – Jerry Ockey’s House

Draft order is determined by the order of finish in the standings. New managers are given the 1st pick in the draft. Since I talked to Andy 1st, then JT, that would technically make JT the newest manager. Thus, here is the draft order for the 2013 draft:


Reverse & Repeat.

How the League was Won: World Series Game 5 – Cysts Win

For those of you interested to know, this series was crazy, and game 5 was no exception. It was Cy Young winner Felix Hernandez for the Cysts against surprise regular season phenom Jae Seo for the Hairys. With the series returning to Shea Stadium for the finale, it was a winner-take-all affair that meant one team had to go home empty-handed. Here’s how it went down – every….single….last…important….detail…….

Top 1st – The Cysts get on the board early. A walk, a steal, and a bunt single put runners at the corners. A double steal, with Roberts stealing home, made the game 1-0 with no outs. Karren made it clear early he wanted to be aggressive. A sac fly later made it 2-0 just like that. Bottom 1st – Hernandez strikes out the side. SICK.

Top 2nd – Quick start again for the Cysts in the inning. Single, sac bunt, and RBI single just like that. 3-0 Cysts. Seo was pulled after just 1.1 innings, allowing 2 earned runs. Flores comes on in relief. Before the game, Jerry told me what he needed most in game 5 was to not have to go to the pen too early. The Cysts did miss a big opportunity though. They had runners at the corners again with only one out, and they botched a suicide squeeze for an out. Then, after a Mauer error put two on with two out, Helton struck out. Could have gotten ugly early, but Jerry hung tough. Bottom 2nd – Hernandez allows just a walk. Mean.

Top 3rd – Cysts get right at it again. A walk, an infield single, and a walk loads the bases with 2 outs. Flores can’t find the strike zone and walks in a run with DaVanon pinch hitting, and walks in another with Roberts at the plate. The Cysts are now up 5-0 but miss another golden opportunity by leaving them loaded. Bottom 3rd – Hernandez sets ’em down in order. Gosh dang.

Top 4th – Flores gets an out, the Sheets comes on relief, and gets 2 more. Bottom 4th – Hernandez allows a walk, then gets a double play ball. No hitter through 4. Still 5-0 Cysts.

Top 5th – The Cysts get a hit, then strand the guy. Their offense is starting to go cold. Karren gets a bit moody. Who wants to simply try to hold on to a lead a hope time runs out for the other guys? Bottom 5th – Felix K’s another, but allows a walk and a single. Karren yanks him after allowing only 1 hit over 4.1 innings. Hernandez and Karren have a confrontation in the dugout – something about Karren’s infamous quick hook when it comes to his starting pitchers. Karren is torqued at this guy second-guessing his field managing, and tells his entire staff that they too will hit the showers if they so much as allow one hit. So Cotts comes in and promptly allows an RBI double, and Karren storms onto the field and tells Cotts to sit down. The team is shocked, then Cain calmly comes in to stop the bleeding. He allows an RBI groundout, which Karren decides is OK, seeing as how Cain had to come in with guys on 2nd and 3rd. The fiery inning ends with the Cysts still up 5-2 but with Karren seemingly off the deep end, obsessed with not letting another game 5 slip away.

Top 6th – Roberts hits a solo home run. This is the only run Sheets would allow in 4.2 steely innings of work in relief for Ockey. Bottom 6th – Hairys just won’t give up. With 2 outs, Bay hits a solo home run to pull back within 3 runs. It’s his series-leading 3rd of the World Series. It’s now 6-3 Cysts. After the blast, Cain’s first hit allowed, Karren bitterly tells him he’s done. Rhodes comes in, and the first batter he faces hits a wimpy ground ball right back at him. Rhodes is dumbfounded, and can’t find a handle on the thing, and is charged with an error. Karren yells at his pitching coach that that’s even worse than allowing a hit and to send Rhodes packing. Zambrano now comes in, wondering if his manager has completely lost it. Zambrano, however is on thin ice himself. He has essentially sucked for two straight seasons for Karren, but keeps getting called on. He allows a walk, and now two guys are on for righty-killer Ryan Howard. Next thing you know Howard drills a base hit to center, but Edmonds throws a bullet to home plate to get Francouer out and end the inning and stifle the two-out rally.

Top 7th – Edmonds draws a walk and steals 2nd, but is stranded. Bottom 7th – Zambrano left in despite allowing the 6th inning Howard hit, thanks to Edmonds’ gun. Molina walks though, and Zambrano gets the hook. Pettitte comes in, and simply allows a ground ball out, advancing Molina to 2nd. Karren, now foaming at the mouth and hunched over like a Western Pennsylvanian, says “you’re done”. Now these guys are getting yanked for getting outs that allow baserunners to advance 90 ft. Tejada comes in and nuts up by getting Wright to ground out and AROD to K. Just two innings to go now, with the Cysts still clinging to that 3 run lead.

Top 8th – Cysts Barrett is stranded at 2nd following a double. Cyst offense bogging down again. Can the pitchers win this thing alone? Bottom 8th – 6 outs to go for the Hairys. Karren brings Padilla in and tells him to close this thing out. He gets 2 quick outs, but then a Francouer single followed by a Wells single. That would bring up Howard, Terror in the clutch, again. Padilla is allowed to stay in after Karren gets a phone call in the dugout that says he’s literally about out of pitchers. He’s only got one guy left after Padilla. Howard, the tying run at now at the plate, couldn’t get it done, as Padilla gets him to pop out. Still 6-3, heading into the 9th.

Top 9th -Cysts Pinch runner Castillo is stranded at 2nd, as the Cysts just can’t put this thing away. Bottom 9th – 3 outs to go for the Hairys. Padilla still in for the Cysts. Again he gets 2 quick outs, and the Cysts are on the steps of the dugout, ready to celebrate. But Wright hangs tough, and draws a walk. Karren calls for his last pitcher, BJ Ryan. Ryan lost game 4 in the 10th by allowing a 3-run jack to Utley, and is still scarred, as he practically tosses the thing underhand to AROD, who singles. Men on 1st and 2nd. Karren is duking his pants at this point, as I’m sure Ockey is. Up to the plate lumbers David Ortiz, who has gone homerless for 23 straight games, is as overdue as a mug, and is Terror in the clutch. Karren knows that a bomb to send this thing to extra innings is about as good as a loss and a blown series, because he’s out of pitchers. But on a 2 strike pitch, Ryan hangs a sick slider past Ortiz and into the catcher’s mitt – think 1986 Jesse Orosco, and the Cysts win it all. Instead of wildly celebrating, however, they just shake their heads and embrace the Hairys players and acknowledge an incredible series that the Cysts were simply fortunate to win.

Condolences and much respect to Ockey and the Hairys. This team was just as good as the Cysts, without question, and may have won it all had it not been for a player that simply didn’t do what his numbers dicatated he should, and a few tough bounces of the ball in the World Series. Ockey was gracious in victory and in defeat in the series, and is a formidable freaking opponent. The MVP of the series went to Felix Hernandez, who was on the mound closing out the incredible game 3 12-inning win for Petersboro, and who pitched a gem for as long as Karren would let him in the biggest start of his career in game 5. Tony Clark was equally vital as Jerry’s nemesis in the series, as well as the regular season. He is to Jerry what Melvin Mora is to Ted, and what Jim Edmonds is to Brian. In the series Clark had 11 hits, batting .478 with 2 dingers, 6 runs, and 6 RBI’s. Honorable mention goes to unheralded Jonny Gomes, who hit .409 in the series, and had perhaps the single most important hit – a Game 3 12th inning walkoff homer to win it at Coors, and make the series 2-1 Cysts. Truly a series for the ages that didn’t deserve a loser. Thanks to all for a trip to Logan in March for a controversial draft, and a nice, long, overdrawn regular season. Thanks to Bri for being a helluva commissioner and techie. See you in 2013.