Slappers Get Back To Work

With The Slapper’s pitching coach resting comfortably upstairs, head coach Utley figured it was time to get back to work on another division title and connected with Bowman as he was scouting in Oklahoma City.

This game was all about Barry Zito. 6.1 scoreless innings, allowing 2 hits. He shut down the Gods despite his wildness and 6 walks. Vladimir was the offensive star, going 3-4 with a HR and raising his average to .415 which puts him just .007 behind hitting phenom Young. Vlad is going to give Cabrera some competition in this years MVP race.

Game #2 is slated to happen Tuesday night.

This was the game #162 in Brian Utley’s career which mirrors an actual MLB season. He ends up with a MLB equivalent regular season record of 95-67. Only 2 of the 30 MLB teams from 2005 had a better record, Cardinals & White Sox.

1st Annual Somewhat Objective Mid-Season All-Pro Team

C – The Molina Brothers

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Bengie Molina GRH c 36 .375 .421 .625 16 6 1 0 1 2 4 0 2 2 0 0
Yadier Molina SLP c 28 .368 .381 .474 19 7 2 0 0 2 5 0 1 3 0 0


1B – Derrek Lee

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Derrek Lee SLP 1b 35 .395 .435 .791 43 17 8 0 3 10 6 0 3 9 0 0


2B – Bill Hall

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Bill Hall LOV ss 31 .406 .472 .781 32 13 2 2 2 7 3 0 4 7 3 2


SS – Michael Young

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Michael Young LOV ss 34 .419 .457 .465 43 18 2 0 0 6 2 0 3 5 3 1


3B – Alex Rodriguez

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Alex Rodriguez GRH 3b 35 .325 .391 .525 40 13 2 0 2 5 6 1 4 5 1 1


LF – Miguel Cabrera

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Miguel Cabrera AA lf 28 .391 .429 .804 46 18 4 0 5 9 18 0 3 9 0 1


RF – Vladimir Guererro

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Vladimir Guerrero SLP rf 35 .378 .429 .730 37 14 5 1 2 10 9 1 3 7 2 1


CF – Jim Edmonds

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Jim Edmonds* AA cf 41 .450 .542 .750 20 9 3 0 1 6 3 1 3 4 1 0


DH – Albert Pujols

Name Team P Age AVG OBP SPC AB H 2B 3B HR R RBI HBP BB K SB CS
Albert Pujols SLP 1b 31 .375 .409 .650 40 15 2 0 3 10 10 0 3 6 0 0

SP – Pedro Martinez

Name Team P Age ERA W L S G GS CG SHO INN H R ER BB K HR GDP
Pedro Martinez SLP sp 39 1.86 2 0 0 3 3 1 0 19.1 14 4 4 6 22 1 0


RP – Bob Howry

Name Team P Age ERA W L S G GS CG SHO INN H R ER BB K HR GDP
Bob Howry SLP mr 37 0.00 1 0 1 5 0 0 0 9.0 8 0 0 1 5 0 0

Slappers Return To Normal

After a 2 game skid which brought the Amalgam uncharacteristically close to becoming the division leader, the Slapper squad is back to performing the way they should with clutch hitting and lockdown pitching with another sweep of the Gary Hairys. Meanwhile, the Amalgam and Gods split their series to place the elite Slappers alone in 1st.

The first game was a come from behind win as the Slappers rode on the shoulders of lefties Cotts & Wagner who systematically shut down the Hairy bats in the 7th 8th and 9th innings, and the bats of Lee, Pujols, and Vlad who are hitting a combined .383 with 30 Runs, 25 RBIs and 8 HRs through 10 games. In the 2011 draft they were picks #4, #13, and #20. How is that possible? Anyway, they are crusing.

Willis was filthy for the majority of the game but a 3-run 8th put the Slappers ahead for good and Billy closed it off.

After receiving news that the Amalgam were crushing the Gods, Mgr Utley decided to pitch Pedro on 3 days rest. Only a sweep would give The Slappers the chance to at least stay tied for 1st.

Pedro delivered, but tired quickly and was removed in the 5th after 73 pitches having allowed a run on 4 hits.

Wagner, Cain, & Farnsworth took over from there and except for a game-tying bomb given up by Cain they were solid. Manny’s 2-run blast in the 7th put The Slappers up for good again.

The press were all over Utley for removing Pedro in the 5th. Cain promptly gave up the HR to tie the game, and cost Pedro his 3rd consecutive win. Pedro is still unbeaten and leads the league in ERA and K’s. A definite Cy Young favorite.

During a night that featured a possible “Hall of Fame Event” involving League Maniac Cabrera and his 8 RBIs, Mgr Utley had a nice night sleep thinking of his possible 5th consecutive Division Title.

Bring on The Gods.

The sweep that rocked the league to its core….

PS – If you’re an Utley, you might not want to read this…

Saturday night was very good for farmers all across Amalga. The Amalgam finished up their first sweep of the Slappers since 1947 with vicious hitting and clutch relief pitching, to move into a first-place tie. They have now won 5 of 6. At Ameriquest field on this night, a sickening 12 home runs were hit by the two teams in the two games. The true story must be told:

Game 1 –
Top 1 – With Zito on the mound for Happy, things started like this. Cabrera leadoff HR. Jeter walk, Alou 2-run HR. 3-0 Amalgam.
Bottom 2 – Pujols RBI single, then Vlad gives Slappers the lead with a 3-run jerk off Amalga starter Pettitte. 4-3 Slappers.
Top 3 – Edmonds leadoff homer off Zito, Cameron and Cabrera RBI singles, Zito is yanked, 6-4 Amalgam.
Bottom 3 – Lee solo HR off Pettitte, 6-5 Amalgam.
Top 4 – Sexson HR off Farnsworth, 7-5 Amalgam.
Top 5 – Cabrera 2-Run HR. Farnsworth hits showers. 9-5 Amalgam.
Bottom 6 – Pujols 2-Run HR off Zambrano (who is supposed to start in the nightcap, but for some reason pitching in relief here in game 1 instead – this is serious foreshadowing.) 9-7 Amalgam.
At this point, the game CHANGES. With all those homers being hit (8), 2 of the most pivotal plays come in the form of missed opportunites. Pujols gets thrown out at home in the 4th, and Lee grounds into a double play in the 5th with 2 men on. Fultz becomes the hero on the mound for Amalga, pitching 2.1 innings of 1 hit, 0 run relief ball for the WIN.

Game 2-
Remember game 1? 8 homers? The wind wasn’t even blowing out. This time it was. Remember Zambrano? He was supposed to pitch game 2 because my only other option is Johan Santana, who serves up gophers like it’s the McCulloughs backyard. Johan goes out there, and impresses for an inning before giving up back to back to back homers to Happy, and not even feeling bad about it. Fortunately, Cabrera is still excited from his game 1 HR’s, and simply ties up the game in the following inning with a 3-run bomb. Amalga would go up 6-3 on an RBI single by Alou and a 2-out, 2-run single by Helton, but the Slappers cut it to 6-5 on Vlad and Molina RBI’s in the 6th. Just like in the first game, pitching took over in the latter innings. Again the difference came on missed opportunites by Happy. Guerrero struck out with the bases loaded in the 7th, and the fastest man alive, Jose Reyes, pinch ran with no outs in the 8th, only to be thrown out stealing. They were only down 1 at the time, and never got another man on over the last couple innings. The Amalgam manufactured a crucial insurance run in the top of the 9th by pinch hitting Cameron, stealing 2nd, advnacing to 3rd on a fly ball out, and coming home on a sac fly. As usual, the Amalga bullpen saved the day. Called on early again, in the 4th inning, the allowed only 2 runs on 4 hits to the 24 batters they faced. Matt Wise got the save with 2 IP, allowing not a soul to reach base.