Halloween Spectacular Scheduled

Reports are that Game Hens have moved into their new digs in Cornish (Cache Valley, Utah) and are ready to see who’s cuisine will reign supreme, ala iron Chef, between them and the league feared Love Gods. Manager Bowman said that the Love Gods will be playing in costume white flowing robes and powdered wigs and beards. A lightning display is also scheduled for the the spectacle. With all the plans laid lets see if the Love Gods can find their bats and jack a few out for the fans. With every home run the Love Gods will send fire and brimestone to the ground in a show of complete omnipotence. Like the day of Pentacost the Gods are looking to decent like the holy spirit on all in the crowd. It looks to be billed as the perfect Halloween festival complete with horror movie theatrics and bad acting.

Slappers Join Record Books

A couple notes on the doubleheader with Hairy.

Howard’s 6 RBIs in Game 1 was just 1 RBI short of the all-time record that was set by Jeter during his amazing 4 HR game. Howard joined 4 other players who have had 6 RBIs.


Rob Bell’s CG shutout was the first shutout ever without issuing a walk.

Slappers Crush Defending Champions.

Anyone who was thinking that this was going to be a pitchers year is correct when talking about the Slapper staff. Unfortunately, not everyone can have Slapper-esque pitching and that was definitely the case at The Slappers home opener against World Series opponent, Hairy’s. The Slappers were pumped for this rematch although not a single player returned from that World Series roster. But they were pumped.

The Slappers knew they were going to pitch Radke, the unproven and very expensive right hander for the 1st game, but the 2nd game starter was still in the air. Manager Utley wanted Reyes, but after pitching 120+ pitches just 4 days prior he was hesitant. We will get to that later.

The 1st game was all about Ryan Howard. This rookie first baseman with a swing that stops crying babies in their Pampers all around the world carried this team on his back. Howard laced a double in the 1st inning with 2 outs that put The Slappers up 2-0. Howard would double in the 3rd as well, but speedy Stinnett was thrown out at the plate. Benson threw a wild pitch in the 4th that scored a run, then Vizquel lined a sweet single to left that broke the tie, 4-2.

Radke was solid through 6 innings, having a 60+ pitch count and being very effective.

After a managerial conversation that involved mgr Ockey asking “have a few more timely hits, ok?”, Utley responded and passed the message on to Howard who, in the 7th inning after 3 straight singles, sent a moon ball deep into the street behind right field for a grand slam which put The Slappers in a completely unreachable position.

Radke was on a tight leash despite the 6th run lead, and with the bullpen ready and anxious for action, he retired the side in order to close out the game. A complete game 128 pitch masterpiece. Ryan Howard had 6 RBIs.

Game 2.

With a solid win under his belt in game 1, Utley decided to use his 4th starter in order to give Reyes a couple extra days rest, making him completely ready and anxious for his next start.

Ryan Howard followed his 3 for 4, 6 RBI night with a 3-run bomb to start the 1st inning. That gave him 4 hits in 5 at bats, 2 HRs and 9 RBIs. Money. He is so sexy.

This report is all about The Slappers, who completely dominated the Hairys, but I will say this. John Thomson threw 103 pitches in 4.2 innings for Gary Hairy. He was worked like a Vietnamese hooker circa 1968.

Rob Bell was solid gold. He threw the 5th ever complete game shutout. He didn’t walk anyone, gave up 5 completely meaningless hits, and he did it all with only 114 pitches.

When the Slapper dust had settled and the Hairy’s took their whiffle bats and slinky arms back to their turboprop plane, this is what remained:

Slapper hitters batted .371 (26-70). They raised their team average 120 points, and they now lead the league in several categories including OPS at .724.

Radke and Bell pitched complete games. They faced 64 batters, gave up 12 hits (.187), 3 runs, and didn’t walk a soul. The Slapper team ERA dropped to 1.95 through 4 games with a WHIP of 0.89. They still haven’t allowed a HR.

My Slappers are in 1st place. We don’t plan on leaving. And anyone who thinks they have a shot at keeping The Slappers from winning their 4th straight division title better check themselves before they wreck themselves. Radke, Glavine, Bell, and Cy Young Reyes could possibly be the best starting pitchers ever to play for a PTP squad. We are good, we are pissed, and we haven’t slept in 6 months. Out.

Hairys, Schnurrbarts Keep the 2010 League .500 Dream Alive With Split

The Gary Hairys and Schnurrbarts finally sync’d up their schedules and met for their first taste of international competition against each other late Wednesday/early Thursday. The 2 game set followed the precedents that have been set so far in Davis League 2010 – it was a close, low scoring, pitching dominated affair that, yes, resulted in another split series.

Hairy Noah Lowry got the call for the Hairys and faced off against some dude for the Mustaches (this report is being done from memory, so forgive the lack of detail). How did Lowry respond in his first start? All he did was throw a complete game shut-out while striking out 9 or 10. Not too shabby at all. The Hairys scored on a couple close fielders choices at the plate and ended up with a hard-earned 3-0 victory.

In Game 2, it was Maroth vs. Lee in a battle of leftys. The Hairys took an early lead when they loaded the bases and Kevin Millar took one for the team (literally) to bring in a run. Schnurrbart pitching limited the Hairys to just that one run until a meaningless solo shot by pinch-hitter Steve Finley in the 9th. The Schnurrbart offense finally produced like we all knew it would with 2-run bombs by Gonzalez and Blake with an additional solo shot by Jenkins (I think?) for a 5-2 victory.

So, with 4 2-game sets in the books, the 2010 race is still tighter than a 1989 Rick Orison scrounging for change at FJH vending machines. The only question now is who will receive the dubious distinction of being the first to be swept?
(Estimated time until Bri responds stating that the Slappers will in fact sweep ME in our upcoming series: 4.2 seconds – unless he trips over himself in his zeal to get to the keyboard)