Hairy/Gyno Double-Header Lives Up to Hype in Exciting Split

The Gary Hairy’s and Mantua went at it in a rare afternoon double-header at Shea today and the result was, as expected, PTP at its finest. The 2 game split was marked by heroic pitching, clutch hitting and managerial genius on at least one end (not Ockey’s).

Both games featured brilliant starting pitching performances. In Game One, it was Brandon Webb for the Hairy’s giving it all he had and then some, pitching a shutout into the 9th. When asked to summarize his starter’s effort, Manager Ockey stated, paraphrasing Gary Busey, “Sometimes it’s all about what’s in the scrotum. And in Brandon’s case today, that was balls of brass.” The offense (what there was) came from Bobby Abreu, who belted his 2nd homer. That is all Webb needed, with Cordero coming in to finish the shut-out and preserve th 2-0 victory.

The pitching in Game 2 came from, guess who, Andy Pettite. Don’t look now, but this guy is hands down the Cy Young winner at mid-season. The Hairys actually scored off him, but his ERA remains below 1 as he held the Hairy’s to a bare minimum of offense. Larry Walker finally came through with an RBI double to give Mantua the lead which stood until a furious comeback by the Hairy’s in the 9th off the bats of the constantly clutch Jason Bay, among others. Taking a 3-2 lead into the bottom of the 9th, Joey Eischen was the victim as the strategery and relentless speed of Karren’s Gynos gave the lead, and victory to Mantua. Manager Ockey’s fears of an inevitable offensive drop-off for his Hairy’s were realized today, but thankfully they still had enough to get a split.

On an unrelated note, Manager Ockey wishes to tip his cap in a Happy Birthday salute to Manager Utley of Happy Slapper fame. Have a great one, Bri. Here’s hoping you lose the remainder of your games this season in heart-breaking fashion. Seriously, though, have a great day. You are top-shelf, my friend.

SLAPPERS SLUG PAST DOGGZ FOR 1, then fall asleep during 2.

Curb Doggz almost pulled a Slappers early Friday morning as the two teams split their mid-season doubleheader. Slaps had an 8-2 lead in the 3rd inning when the Doggz decided it was on… and scored 10 unanswered runs. However, the Slappers decided in the bottom of the 8th trailing 12-8 that it was time to turn the tables. Untouched Gagne entered the game and was quickly bitch-slapped for 3 of the 5 earned runs in 0.2 innings. Williamson sealed the game for his second save to preserve the 13-12 victory.

The second game was all Curb Doggz from the beginning with Livan holding a no-hitter until Miguel Cabrera went deep in the 7th. He was pulled after the 7th, having given up only 1 hit although he walked 7. Parrish worked magic from the pen for the remaining 2 innings and completely stymied the Slapper bats. The 2 hits were the fewest hits the Slappers have scored in their 5 year history.

The Doggie bats are hot, hitting an insane .302 against the league and an even .400 against lefties. They also lead the league in slugging so these aren’t drag-bunts, people. But that causes us to reflect on the 2007 season in which the Dogzz lead the league with a .289 avg and .452 slg but failed to make the playoffs. Can the pitching staff turn around their 6.52 ERA and squeeze into the playoffs?

The Slappers used 8 pitchers in the series and are starting to have serious concerns about their starting pitching. They are halfway through the season and holding the Wild Card solidly, but we all know the Wild Card is not sought after by Manager Utley.

The upcoming series against the GYNOS may be the most crucial series of the year thus far, with the GYNOS trailing the Slaps by a full game. With 3 games against each other, this series could determine who from previous World Series will be returning.

Sharp Words in the Staff Room

The accusations flew around in the back offices of the Dogzz as blame was put on everyone except manager Bart Bowman for their away game losses. The Dogzz have been buried as of late and are looking at two more incredibly hard games against the heavy bats of the Slappers. It has been reported that Maddux has been pulled from the starting rotation and that once again the batting order will be rearranged in hopes to put some wind under the wings of the floundering Dogzz. Can this team of misfits fit back to their rightful place at the top of the heap or will the bad managing of Bowman keep them out of the playoffs for yet another depressing year. Never since the Days of George Brett has a team been so full of Pine Tar.

Hairy, VAG Fans Ready Themselves for Clash

Yikes – perhaps “Gary Hairy, Mantua Fans” would look a little more appropriate. Anyway, the fact remains that both camps are tingling with anticipation over the upcoming 2 game series at Shea. Recent history would seem to give the edge to the blisteringly hot Hairys, but Manager Jerry is not nearly that confident – “I’m really afraid the inescapable Law of Averages is going to come crashing down on us sooner or later”, he said. “We certainly don’t expect to keep scoring 14 runs a game and eventually Larry Walker will find where they’ve hidden his bat and start producing. Hopefully, though, we can keep our streak going a little longer and put ourselves in a position to win.” Well, can the Hairys keep it going or will Mantua yank them back down to reality. The answer will soon be revealed as these two proud franchises meet…